1. Purpose of Website, Code Switching
This website's intent is to help people analysis their current state of being for the purpose of personal understanding of where their beliefs come from and what is influencing their decisions. I am starting fresh with this idea as I have already created a similar website called Unindoctrinate.com with religion as the focus. With this new website, I hope to reach people and help them recreate their lives in a more balanced, realistic way. It's kind of like asking you to take everything in your space and mind out into your front yard and dump it all out on the ground, start over with every aspect of your life and see what you really want to bring back into your space. The "aspects of your life" being defined as your possessions, your friendships, your religion, the groups you are in..... even your diet and physical body. Everything reevaluated. I've done it myself and I will always be working on it. It took time, thought, honesty and bravery. There is NOTHING special about me. I am no leader or guru. I just want to make a positive difference in this world. Dena Gettleman 1/3/2024
Code Switching
I use the phrase "Code Switching" a lot. I want to define that now. Code switching is the ability to tune yourself in to the person that you are interacting with so that you can better communicate with that individual. It is the ability to talk to a child on their level, to interact with a person with dementia with comforting, non confusing words, to talk to a person who speaks a different language from you and communicate with what common words you have or with hand gestures. It is the ability to move through the world engaging with others in the best ways possible.
The reason why the ability to code switch can be so valuable to you is the fact that so few people can do it or ever want to try. The vase majority of people in this world are living in their own little world and are unable to understand code switching at all.
The ability to meet someone in their place in life and communicate with them is rare. Not everyone can come to you in this way, but you can sure come to them!
The key is for you to try to learn and understanding all the human diversity in languages, customs, religions, traditions, mental illnesses and capacities and personality traits. It is to develop empathy. It takes a lot of studying of the subject I'll call, Living together in a very diverse world.
I hope this website helps to make you aware of the vast array of topics of study it is good for us to be aware of and learn about, in order to get along better with each other in this big old world of ours!
My Symphony
To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, to babes and sages with open heart; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions, hurry never. In a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common. This is to be my symphony. W. H. Channing
2. Cognitive Dissonance and Phobias
There is no one on Earth who is completely free of cognitive dissonance. Society and the world is so complex that we humans will never be able to define and understand everything in every category of life. We need to make wise and informed decisions about thousands of subjects and it is impossible to get it all perfectly correct. Perfection is not the goal. The goal is to seek out and confront your own harmful cognitive dissonances and fears. Try to find and accept logical alternatives to that thinking that serves you and the world around you better. It could be something as silly as my personal thought that I don't trust hairdressers or it could be as important as a national leader not understanding or having empathy for another population of humans. I'm proposing the idea to you that you should evaluate everything in your life regularly and see where your thinking is flawed and hopefully try to tweak that thinking. Being open to change keeps us mentally healthy. It allows us to trust ourselves and helps us honestly evaluate what others tell us. Don't just "go along to get along".
Exercise:
Questions to ask yourself:
1. Write down something that you think you might have cognitive dissonance or a fear about:
It's your list.
2.Then write a paragraph about why you think that.
3. Then write how you can adjust that thinking to a more rational way of thinking.
4. Then write what you might do to change your life or behavior to move to that different or more open way of thinking
Example:
1. My slight phobia and mistrust of hairdressers:
2. Hairdressers are control freaks that have power over you and you lose control as soon as you sit in their chair. I get anxious every time I am in a salon. It has never been a good experience for me. Experiences that my mother had with her hairdresser really started me out feeling this way. The few times I've gone to a hairdresser, I felt I lost control pretty quickly. I cut my own hair.
3. Hairdressers are just people trying to make money from their passion and training just like everyone else. They can be unskilled are highly skilled. They have individual personalities. They are not out to get me or control me. They are just people.
4. I'm trying to get over this phobia/feeling. I've been going with a friend to get Fairy Hair about every 6 months. I may go get a small braid with a bead on the end of it soon. (I've actually changed to another Fairy Hair person as I found her pushy and untrusting. I really like the new person. It's a process!)
Horizons
Above and below,
Asymmetry, color, flow
But the horizon,
The straightest of lines,
No blemish or confusion
The end of the Earth,
Into a beginning somewhere.
There, the last bird to dare fly after dark.
Is he looking at sunset too,
Or is he lost, looking for his home in the dark.
Writer's poem 8/18/2018 DPG
3. Fallacies, Logic and Skepticism
The list of Fallacies is long, but one of the more interesting and useful subjects you can study. If you get some of these concepts into your memory, it turns into a fun mental game to locate them and name them. The study of logic helps us define whether any topic we come across in life is valid, probable or possible. The study of logic includes reasoning, arguments, premises and conclusions. Speaking clearly and logically gives way to better understanding and sound decisions and agreements. There can be no better way to a good relationship of any sort than careful wording, with a good amount of humor thrown in, of course.
Trust your instincts when it comes to skepticism! You know what sounds fishy. Gracefully question! Mindfully dissent. Purposefully look it up and check for accuracy. Don't just catch what everyone throws at you. Analyze, assess and make up your own mind. There is a difference between arguing and being mindful about things. One is negative and may create animosity. The other creates respect and helps you delineate your space and boundaries, Practice quiet, controlled disagreement. It is an art! Look for compromise if there is a place for it. Practice standing your ground if necessary, but always gently, with logic and thoughtfulness.
Challenge:
How many fallacies can you name and define?
Look for fallacies everywhere, in every sentence you read or hear. Smile when you discover one, take note, but don't point it out.
Think before you start each sentence and consider your words wisely. Tailor your sentences to the person you are talking to. That is called "code switching". For example: If you are talking to a child, or a person with Asperger syndrome, or dementia, hearing difficulties or a foreign language speaker, use appropriate eye contact, cadence, volume, speed of speech, and complexity of words for that individual.
Think of kindness and positivity and logic in the ideas you put forth. Surprise a person by talking positively in this world full of negativity.
Be honest though. People deserve that from you.. It is many times better not to "go along to get along" in the long run.
Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson
4. Narcissistic Personality Disorder
There are many personality disorders out there, but this one deserves your special study and consideration as it is really pervasive and can trap people before they know what they are dealing with.... and once your trapped, its hard to get away.
Narcissism is a spectrum, as are most if not all personality disorders.
There are countless podcasts and books on the subject. One podcast I enjoy is "Narcissist Apocalypse" It is valuable to study and learn about all personality types so we can understand people and maneuver through the world calmly and efficiently.
There are three main types of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Overt ( adaptive or maladaptive), Covert and the most severe, Malignant. Malignant can share characteristics with sociopaths and psychopaths. Getting the traits and signs of sociopaths and psychopaths in you memory is a wise idea also.
Other terms to be aware of, and know the signs of, are:
love bombing
gaslighting
imposter syndrome
“He drew a circle that shut me out-
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle and took him In!”
Quote from Edwin Markham
5. Arrested Development and Adapting to Change
There are people that have set routines, solid long-term relationships, careers they are in from high school on, great family, religion that works for them and nothing much changes around them. They are happy and satisfied with their decisions and life path. I'm not talking about these fortunate people. The person I am thinking of is not happy or emotionally healthy in their "stuck in the past" situation. They long for the past or grieve their whole life and never recover from something bad that has happened to them. They are unable to move forward.
I have witnessed and understand Arrested Development first hand in so many of my peers from high school and personal relationships. The idea includes never maturing past your teens and early twenties. Not being able to understand the ramifications of actions in youth and how you will feel about those decisions later. Never maturing emotionally and not being able to sustain healthy relationships. Sticking with a religion that is stifling that you were possibly born into and have never questioned . The inability to appreciate music from the whole world because you are hung up on the music of your youth. Not being able to give up the habits that you may have developed in your wide youth such as drinking, smoking, drugs. Not reaching your adult potential and blaming others for your lack of progress. Being dependent on your parents or relatives. Using any childhood trauma as an excuse not to grow up. Hoarding disorder can be a symptom.
Reminiscing is wonderful for reconnecting with friends and relatives. But being trapped in the past so badly that you resent the present and dread the future is unhealthy.
Do you get up in the morning and find that you days are the same every day? You don't need to upend your entire life to move forward a bit. You just get this one chance at life. Could your life be a bit, or a lot richer or more meaningful if you took some baby steps in a different direction from your norm, if you embraced change a bit more? What could happen if you widened your circle, broadened your thinking, sought out change!
Exercises:
Grow some flowers and enjoy gardening a little. Get outside more.
Mow a neighbor's yard that is growing tall grass.
Make a new friend somewhere. Join a new group.
Cut down or cut out television, gaming, mindless computer and phone scrolling time.
Get some grief counseling, if you need it or get therapy in general to help you move forward with you life.
Take up a hobby that you have to be around people to do.
Go to a class in anything that you have not done before.
Foster an animal. Volunteer somewhere new.
Go on a day trip with a friend... preferable a new friend.
Take homemade cookies to a neighbor or invite them for tea, if appropriate.
Listen to some podcasts on unusual subjects.
Listen to some music from another country or another era.
Buy something at the grocery store that you have never eaten.
Start cooking interesting foods and invited friends for dinner.
Get rid of 25 items in your house every day until you have only what you need.
Clean a room a day until the whole house is clean. Then reorganize the whole house. One room or one closet or one drawer a day.
Change your way of dressing a bit. Start wearing an interesting hat that people will ask about!
Put a bounce in your step and start smiling for no particular reason.
Join an exercise or yoga class.
Stop reminiscing and focus on the present and the future. Try to not repeat yourself, find new stories to tell.
Start writing thoughts down and making lists. Try to write a poem.
Try to change some of your long-held opinions/beliefs on religion, politics etc. Remember that you can not have all this figured out perfectly!
Think for yourself, but think about others!
Essay on Change
Many of us feel stuck in our current circumstances and we feel it is not possible or probable that we can do much about it due to responsibilities, illness, finances, etc. If a person thinks creatively about each and every aspect of their circumstances they can systematically move forward. Take a week and focus on health. Make decisions, write them down and stick with those decisions. Another week analyze your relationships, another week concentrate on the organizations you are affiliated with. are those organizations serving your needs, or are you just serving theirs? You might consider each and every thing in your life and reconsider what you are doing and why you are doing it. Little mini changes might add up over time into big overall change.
It is a scary concept for most people. Change is not easy for humans. Uncertainty is hard to exchange for our routine that we feel safe and comfortable in.
But here on Earth, if we can accept the idea that we are responsible for our actions, we can change our expectations for ourselves and take actions to change or tweak our experience of life if we desire it enough, plan and execute enough.
Exercises:
If I want flowers in my yard, but I'm allergic to bees or don’t have a yard, buy an indoor lightbox and grow a little garden of African Violets or just buy an "easy to take care of" indoor plant.
If you want to go camping but really can't, then pitch a small tent in the back yard and go sleep in it. There have been years that I kept a tent up all summer and I've drug the pillows out and slept on my flat patio roof countless times.
Or, create camping in a room and play a fire on the computer or light a candle and play cricket sounds on your phone. Make smores and chili and invite friends over. If they think it is silly... embrace that! Make them shake their heads and smile!
If you want to think about this for someone else, say you have a sick family member that used to love to camp, turn their room into a camping experience.
Don’t assume something can’t be done. Figure out a way to do it!
If it is some really dramatic or difficult change that people around you, or people in general would resist, at least define the problem openly, post lists of goals and helpful resources on the refrigerator. Take a “can we work together to get to a better place” attitude and you might be pleasantly surprised at who might be ready to follow you. Many people will follow inspired people. Be that inspired person. Make others want to help you change your life!
I have also found that if you start talking about something and taking actions toward a goal, people around you generally help you reach it. People tend to be waiting around for someone to be enthusiastic. If you toss something out to your universe, it does attract a response like a magnet.
These pharses were written because they hold truths through the ages.
“If you build it, they will come!”
“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Take the road less traveled”
“Lead by example.”
“Lead from behind.”
“Be yourself.”
“Find yourself.”
“Be true to yourself.”
“Think for Yourself.”
If you would like to be more honest about parts of your chosen religion, try baby steps of being honest with others about your doubts or true beliefs. You just might be surprised that others have similar feelings and are just playing along too. It is easier for most people to just go with the flow, or the majority. You may like ore really believe some things about your religion, but it is not a requirement that you like or believe everything just because you are in a circumstance where those around you are convinced and unbending.
You are You! A unique individual in the universe! Take possession of your thoughts, actions and life.
Bright Tonight
Crescent moon with planet, surely named, but simply called "Bright" tonight.
Beckon me up to sleep under your gentle glow, 'til morning light.
Writer's Poem 8/14/2018
6. Trading Religion for Philosophy
Organized religions use words to communicate their messages. Common words they use are belief, faith, trust, and many times, obey, follow, …..Many years ago when I was analyzing my own childhood family/church religion I would think on the meanings of those words. I was in my 30’s before I realized what was bothering me about the words belief, faith and trust. Those words are based on the premise that you have to accept something that can’t be proven and therefore very likely is not possible or true. You have to suspend a logic somewhere, cut off your brain and relent to what someone or some organization is teaching/preaching to you.
If you were “born into” any religion, that faith was ingrained by family, friends, and your surroundings. Most people fall in line for life. It matters not specifically what you are being told and taught. All you have to do is trust and obey. You feel queasy just thinking about your doubts or bucking up against traditions.
You've been convinced that you must continue with this religion, or something very similar, even though you don't truly feel it is "for you", or "exactly right".
Choosing nothing, or being agnostic (admitting that you don't know), is not a choice you are allowed. Religion has enlisted and indoctrinated you into their rules with fears and threats of this and that..... and then added rewards and promises of that and this. It makes choosing “something simple and less complex” seem impossible. Most religions are dramatic and showy, and the more detail and drama and sparkling gold the better to seduce you with!
The beauty in the choosing of “simplicity” or “i don’t know” is that you don’t have to lie anymore about belief. You have the joy and freedom and peace of understanding that we cannot know the unknowable. You get to be honest with yourself and others and you get the pure, “straight line connected” relationship with the universe or your un-nameable higher power! No intercessor needed. You never have to convince (proselytize)to those around you that you are right because you have nothing to use to convince them with! Yeah! Nothing to argue over and when expanded to the rest of the world….. Nothing to kill each other over! Double yeah with some rah rah rahs, peace on earth, and good will toward men!!
A new way to think, I might suggest is to study religion and study philosophy for a while. Open your mind to other truths and possibilities. Study the histories of all religions and all the concepts of Gods. Decide for yourself what is myth-based and what You think about what formed or created all this wonder we call Life, the Earth and the Universe. Define God yourself. Use all the ideas, philosophies and theories in this world to think about it. You might be surprised that being open and honest with yourself has the benefits of taking away fear of death and making life more in your control. Your direction more self led. No one on Earth knows more than you do concerning creation and the origins of all this... believe in yourself. Connect directly with your higher power. You have the right and the power to do that. Take your power back.
Trust and Obey, for there's no other way, to be happy with Jesus, but to trust and obey. Christian Hymn
7. Places of Discomfort
I have always made a practice of keeping myself each day in places of discomfort. I seek them out! It has been the one habit that has moved me forward in good ways all my life. Life provides ample opportunities each day for discomfort. I'm not referring to physical pain. I'm talking about psychological discomfort. You might call it facing your fears, overcoming your phobias, meeting your challenges head on, stepping forward when you want to step back, or getting out of your comfort zone.
Many times these experiences are in the form of lessons and classes. I remember the first times I walked into a Spanish class, or dance class, or spoke/performed on stage or tried new sports. The first time you do most anything is either mildly scary or terrifying. Remember that everyone feels this way. Also remember that most people are not thinking about you at all. They are thinking about themselves. If you do something for the first time, the second time is easier, and on and on. The more you learn about any subject, the less you fear all subjects. If you make this a lifelong habit, you get to a place where you pretty much don't have fear of trying anything.
This practice also helps when you are faced with a sudden emergency. You are more likely to be able to handle any situation more gracefully and efficiently.
Some ideas for practice are:
Enter a room full of strangers and look for the loneliest, most uncomfortable or neglected person in the room and go talk to them. They will love you for it!
Don't segregate yourself off from people that are from different countries, speak different languages, have various genders, sexual preferences, etc. If you do, you tend to become unempathetic and prejudice against those groups. If you are not in the presence of these groups during your days, find some way to be aware and openminded about others or better yet, make some new and diverse friends. There situation could have easily been your situation.
Make friends in all socio-economic groups.
Make a habit of going and playing with the children for a while or just sit on a swing nearby and see what happens.
If it snows, go for a walk. If it rains, get your umbrella out and go for a walk. It's just water!
Join a foreign language class or take sign language.
Take a dance or exercise class or yoga.
Substitute teach or be a substitute safety assistant on a special needs school bus. Be a sub for any number of jobs out there in the real world.
Mow an older neighbor's yard or take them soup for no particular reason.
See if you county foster care organization has a emergency supply/clothes closet and start assisting with it. Collect books for a shelve in their lobby.
Cold call people just to chat. They will love getting a call when you want nothing from them!
Go visit a friend who lives in another country. Sleep on their sofa. Pack lite.
In a word..... Get out of your comfort zone and stay there!
Rainbow at Sunset
Light of dusk
The storm has passed
Makes me run to capture you.
Last light toward night
Intense and strong
For those few moments
Too quickly gone
But look away, look behind
The spectrum there,
To remind
Author's Poem 8/12/18
8.Wisdom and Good Decisions, Risk vs. Reward
Oh if only we could be born wise and always make good decisions! Alas, it is a difficulty! May be begin to move in that direction and succeed more often as we age and get many varied experiences. I've always said that I think young people should have about 15 different, diverse jobs in high school and for a few years thereafter. Ideally, they should travel some also before they decide on what higher education they need or make any significant choses or decisions.
I've heard it said that:
Some people make mistakes and never learn from them.
Other people make mistakes and do learn from them.
But some people watch other people make mistakes, and learn not to make those mistakes themselves.
That's wisdom.
There are some methods for decision making that should be used more often, such as making a list of the pros and cons of a decision or other forms of analysis of the situation. I actually wrote an essay to my husband one time on "why we should move to a new location in our city, closer to his job, with a better school district, etc.". It talked him into moving!
Sleeping on it, is valuable. What do your dreams tell you about? This is another creative way to guide decision making. I surely do analyze my dreams that way, The subconscious mind is smart!
Another fine way to approach decisions is Risk vs. Reward. I use that method more and more as I am older now. I'm a bit of a risk taker/adrenaline junky. The list of examples is long, but at 70, I'm starting to do the risk/reward calculations in my head more and more. It's just wise sometimes.
For instance, learning to ski at 16 is different from learning at 70. If you learn it young, and keep doing it all your life, you can happily continue safely, if nothing significant changes. The wisdom comes when you are older and wisely decide to forgo the steep Black Diamond slopes and stay on the Blues and Greens. Or you decide to take some ski lessons, just to get some tips and suggestions for safer skiing. It's still skiing, just under more control. If you can't ski at all, some resorts let you ride the lift up at night for dinner at the top. You can see the view the skiers see. Much reward for little risk!
Or you can decide to go on that guided tour of another country instead of backpacking your way through like you may have in your youth. It's still traveling!
I've given up school/activity bus driving after 28 years. I'm still on the buses though, as a substitute safety assistant. I'm still behind the wheel, just a few seats back!
I don't care to get smashed by the big waves at the beach or feel the need to body surf anymore, but I'm still in the water every safe chance I get!
In other words, don't give up the activities, just modify them for your age and abilities. Take every opportunity you get to bounce a basketball and shoot a few, go ziplining! It's safe!, Get some power tools out and learn to use them safely... just...Keep on keepin' on!
The Lobster Quadrille
"What matters it how far we go?" His scaly friend did reply. "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The further off from England the nearer is to France-- then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance."
Lewis Carroll
9. Skills for ADHD, Planning for the Future
I am ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and I have embraced that fact and used it to pick career paths and get lots accomplished through the years. I've learned that a fast-paced job and activities are best for me. Whatever your particular personality characteristics are, take note and find places for yourself that work with your peculiarities!
I personally set timers very often and play games with my time. To clean house, I may set the timer for 10 minutes in each room of the house, or an hour timer and follow the rule that I can't do anything but clean the whole house for that amount of time. I'll set a goal to find a certain number of items in the house to get rid of, and I don't stop cleaning and looking until I have that number of things in a bag to donate or give away or throw away.
I also make lists almost every day. All kinds of lists, such as items to buy at the store. I list errands to run and design the most efficient route and time to run them. I make lists for packing trips. I make a master list of everything that I am doing and work that list every day. I love completing something and marking it off the list!
Long term projects go in a different mental category. You can do most anything if you set a time out every day to work a little on it. Long term projects, such as making a quilt, reading books, cleaning out your house can be accomplished this way.
Things I want to accomplish are listed regularly. I think in terms of 10 minute goals, one hour goals, goals for the day, week, month, year and life.... and I work systematically on those goals. I tend to jump from one thing to another, but I use that to work on and accomplish a long list of things every day. I would suggest this for anyone, not just for people who are ADHD. The busy complex world we live in is a lot more efficiently dealt with by using these and similar techniques. I keep high quality pens all over the house, notebooks and paper handy. Go forth and accomplish!
I am not what has happened to me, I am what I choose to become. Author Unknown
10. Self Control, Stoicism and Self Hypnosis
I have practiced Stoicism all my adult life. I didn't know to call it that until fairly recently, but none the less, it defines best what I was using in my daily life to cope. I used it as a survival tool, which can be good and bad actually. But this practice has provided me with several abilities that are useful.
Stoicism is a practice of learning great self control, being more in charge of our emotions and feelings. It can aid with detaching from situations or compartmentalizing things in your mind. It might help you endure pain, or recover from trauma or deal with people who are not good for you or that frustrate you, but maybe they are people you can not avoid. If you were a caretaker, for instance, of an aging relative with dementia, you may learn to deal with verbal abuse more positively and not take it personally. It can help you understand that the outside world can be separated from your emotions. It can be a coping strategy under stress.
One caution, if you do practice stoicism, make sure you get a lot of exercise and laughter in your life. Internalizing stress has to be balanced with positive ways to release that stress.
At home, I learned to chose words carefully, to think before I spoke, to not be very emotional, to talk slowly, calmly and deliberately. I made sure my words made sense. At work I did the same. I learned to code switch well as I worked with the great diversity of age, language and mental abilities that you find in my field of work, public education. Stoicism helps you to stay calm and more focused when others can be in panic mode.
There are many wonderful podcasts on Stoicism. One I recommend is "The Daily Stoic" with Ryan Holiday.
The original philosophical writings on stoicism were from Athens, Greece c. 300 B.C.E. Some of the early writers on the subject are Zeno of Citium (modern Cyprus), Socrates, groups called the Cynics and the Skeptics and others. It moved to Rome during the time of the Roman Empire. Writings at that time were by Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and others. The four virtues of stoicism are Wisdom, Justice, Courage and Moderation.
If you can draw good ideas for yourself from the study and practice of stoicism, it may help you cope with situations, especially if you are around hyperactive, unpredictable or emotional people!
Personal note:
I spent the bulk of my career as a data manager/receptionist in a busy intercity elementary school front office. One of my favorite principals came to my desk one day and said , "Dena, you are the most adventurous person I know". Two days later she walked to my desk again and said, "Dena, You are so reserved!" Yep--- That's stoicism.
Another valuable tool for self control is self-hypnosis. I read a book when I was pregnant with my first child called Husband Coached Childbirth the Bradley Way by Robert A Bradley. The book was written in 1947, so it is a bit outdated. There are more current books I would probably tend to recommend for study of this subject, such as Susan McCutcheon's Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way.
The Bradley Method is based on how animals have their young.
Mammals find a dark, comfortable place with quiet, privacy and solitude. They relax physically, close their eyes and appear to be sleeping. The self hypnosis for humans comes in the form of concentrating on breathing and breath control. With each contraction you close your eyes and concentrate fully on relaxing your muscles and your breath, keeping your breathing smooth, even, slow and in control. It worked beautifully for me twice and I use this technique at the dentist/doctor's office and all other such situations.
I also imagine I am doing my favorite activities. I go skiing in my head or put myself in any happy place I like and imagine myself there, instead of thinking about the procedure that I am in at the doctor's office.
One exercise you might try is practicing putting yourself in that happy place, doing that fun thing before you need it. It will be easier to pull up those scenarios in your mind if you practice ahead of time. Also, it may be a good way to help you fall asleep at night. Another visualization for helping you get to sleep is to imagine that you are a wet dish cloth, relaxed on a counter or hanging on a wall. You can thank my sweet mother for that idea! Another sleep technique is relaxing every muscle in your body one at a time starting with your toes and going all the way to your facial muscles and thinking about relaxing your brain. It's a muscle too!
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
Unknown Author
11. Connections to Organizations, Groupthink, Charismatic Leaders
After my experiences with some groups with heavy religious indoctrination as a youth and being a member of several groups as a young adult, I decided to be very cautious about joining any group. I read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and 1984 by George Orwell and The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand, all I recommend you read, 1984 used the word "groupthink" and I started noticing groupthink everywhere. Even in groups such as Quilt Guild. The members had hard, fast rules for the proper ways to make and bind quilts. Quilt shows had rules and judged quilts by them. All groups have a propensity to groupthink. I join few groups and have always made it a personal policy to not be part of the groupthink of any group, to think independently.
I worked in public education, but I was independent thinking and just ignored a lot of what I was told to do along the way. Administrators and co-workers learned pretty quick to just leave me alone and let me do my job. I answered the phone "Vance School, This is Dena" for 23 1/2 years. My principals quit doing annual evaluations on me after about 10 years and there was rarely any office meeting after about a month with any new administrator. They figured out pretty quick that it would be a waste of time.
My point is, do your best work always in every situation. Think for yourself. Consider new ideas and ways of doing things, and be open to good changes and doing things a better way, but resist change, just for the sake of change.
I've also practiced staying far, far away from charismatic leaders in all situations. I can appreciate their charm, and admire a few, but I try not to follow blindly. Every human is flawed, every concept, whether it be religious, political or just how to fix a fence or train a horse is debatable, situational and needs to be looked at through your own eyes. Learn all you can about the world. Stay informed. Talk to people. Listen and learn. But in the end, think independently and make your own decisions about everything.
The Bee
The bee cannot survive with the hive without working with the fields. Writer's Thought 5/18/2020
12. Mental Diversity and Personality Traits Stereotyping Vs. Empathy and Understanding
The study of mental diversity is not to stereotype these groups, but to understand the special needs of the individual and to help build relationships and understand the different ways people think and connect with the world around them. We are not here to judge, but to empathize. These suggestions for study are to help us be able to tune in to the idiosyncrasies and unique personalities you encounter while living a full, expansive life.
It is the ultimate test for code switching. You should know the symptoms and causes of a wide range of personality types and mental diversities. Do a dip dive into the subject!
One of the misconceptions I have noticed is that people call all forms of dementia "Alzheimer's". There are many causes including Lewy Body dementia associated with Parkinson's disease, arterial sclerosis, which used to be called hardening of the arteries, dementia from brain trauma, frontal lobe dementia, stroke related and dozens of other causes, all with different symptoms and prognosis'. It's important to know the differences.
A good question to ask yourself. If a family member started acting differently, could you tell from observation what might be going on with them, and tell the doctor good information to start caring for them properly? Could you tell the difference between an episode of Bi-Polar and Schizophrenia? Could you tell if someone is sad about something for a day, or if they are in a deep depression or suicidal? It kind of matters!! Would you know enough to take appropriate actions and tell a doctor or the person's family what you think?
If you are dating someone, do you know the warning signs of personality traits or disorders such as narcissism or addiction issues that could affect your relationship?
After you develop an understanding of the differences in people, it becomes easier to communicate and get along socially in general. I encourage you to try to meet every person you know, even if you've known them a long time, with a fresh attitude. Meet them where they are. Listen freshly for cues and clues to lead your interactions. Watch body language. Figure out what their personal bubble is (personal space around them, their safety zone). Respect that space!
Know who you can hug right away, because they love to hug.... and who doesn't!
Even shaking hands is uncomfortable to some. Respect the individual. Learn who is sensitive to loud noises or sudden movements. Many people are sensitive to smell such a perfume. Many have allergies and sensitivities. Celiac Sprue disease is a real thing and those people cannot consume any gluten at all without serious reactions.
Learn the different degrees of autism and how to interact properly. Autism is a wide spectrum that runs from non-verbal to highly intelligent, very skilled and talented people.
Try to remember with everyone to not define the person by their illness. For instance, Instead of saying Joseph is a diabetic or is autistic, phrase it Joseph has diabetes or Joseph has autism. He is not the illness, he has the illness.
And finally, learn the appropriate way to approach people with more serious mental diversities, such as people on the street that are homeless, friends that are unable to leave their homes due to phobias and traumas, relatives that are being treated for the wide variety of challenges they face.
Your life, and other people's lives will be enriched by your concentration on learning about the wonderful and special people all around you! And, you may learn things about yourself that you didn't know!
There is no strength where there is no struggle. Author Unknown
13. Describe God
A couple of definitions of the word religion:
"religion": “the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal god or gods”.
“religion": “an organized collection of beliefs, cultural systems, and world views that relate humanity to an order of existence. Many religions have narratives, symbols, and sacred histories that are intended to explain the meaning of life and/or to explain the origin of life or the universe.”
My definition: the basic relationship with your higher power that guides you and helps you toward understanding the universe.
Describe God
So I want you to image that you are trying to describe God….. And that challenge is my whole point exactly….. You really can’t describe God!…. . We describe all around God. We personify him into a man-like being on a great throne. We tell stories of God’s adventures and communications on earth. We write epics about his miracles and creations. We find joy and sorrow in what we call God’s plan. The ultimate escapism is God! We convince ourselves that we need God for our security and happiness. We pray to God because we need to not be alone. We need that guiding force to show us "the way". And I truly think that is alright, normal and even has the possibility of being a good thing.
But why can’t all the stories, music, art be simply understood for what it is. Symbols that represent Our Higher Power and make that more accessible to man. We obviously need that. I need and have that. The problem lies with our collective not acknowledging that the symbols, icons, trappings, creeds, doctrines are tools we use. Things humans use to connect to the unknowable. We seem to worship the tools more than what the tools represent. We follow charismatic leaders, prophets and intercessors and are surprised and disappointed when they betray or let us down by being simply what they are.. Humans. Humans who have no more possession of the truth than we mere followers have. They have no powers greater than ours, they are just able to convince us they do!
I have a regular “discussion” with a friend or two about the difference between an atheist and an agnostic. And when I sometimes start the conversation, I say “i don’t believe there is such a thing as an atheist”…. That comment generally “gets the discussion going” and the debate is on!
In my way of thinking, an atheist would be someone who denies the universe exists at all. … Kind of like saying there is no God because there is no creation.., which is hard to argue unless you think this is all just a big really vivid dream that we are all having!? But if you believe that reality and the world exists, but you simply admit that you can’t say you know how it happened, that is honest and could be the definition of the word agnostic or the simplified definition of God or the basic defining idea of the simplest religion.
I seek to simplify the definition of God to the original feeling of a powerful, unexplainable force in the universe, your "Higher Power" unembellished and as honest as possible for a human to be. I also suggest that this definition of God/A Higher Power allows humans to be as connected to whatever created the universe as any religion that has been created. It is just acknowledging and being appreciative of the creator/creation, without the trappings that come as standard fare with religions.
No longer is there reason to be concerned as to whether a person has the "correct" religion….. and all the fear and worry that come with that. People can have a simple religion of appreciation for the wonder of creation. After all, what is more wonderful than being amazed and delighted in simply being born and witnessing your life and engaging in life around you! That can be enough! That concept is as capable, as any religion, of creating the feeling of belonging and that you are a part of something wonderful in the universe. The divine simply found in the mystery alone.
Seth's Lessons for Life
Be yourself and travel your own road.
Material things don't matter.
Pick your battles, but stand up for what you truly believe in.
Retain your belief in others, no matter what
Don't wait. Use it up, wear it out, enjoy it.
Share yourself and be completely open, hold nothing back.
Teach Peace, show empathy and compassion, and protect the vulnerable-the children, the aged, those with special needs.
Give lots of hugs and high-fives.
Don't be afraid to reach out and touch someone-anyone.
Family is everything, and the world is your family.
14. Lyrics..... "I Wasn't Born to Follow".... The Byrds
No I'd rather go and journey
Where the diamond crescent's glowing
And run across the valley
Beneath the sacred mountain
And wander through the forest
Where the trees have leaves of prisms
And break the light in colors
That no one know the names of
And when it's time I'll go and lay
Beside the legendary fountain
'Till I see her form reflected
In its clear and jewelled waters
And if you think I'm ready
You may lead me to the chasm
Where the rivers of our visions
Flow into one another
I will want to dive beneath the white cascading waters
She may beg, she may plead, she may argue with her logic
And mention all the things I'll lose
That really have no value in the end she will surely know
I wasn't born to follow